Mom has been going down hill and there is nothing we can do to stop this snowball. There has been very little pain for mom (or so it seems) but it is not pain free for those who love her.
Some days she will answer simple questions or tell you she is freezing....the AC unit is right next to her bed and when it kicks on she will tell you I'm freezing. Some days she sleeps and doesn't eat.....some days she will only eat ice cream. At this point who cares if she eats ice cream 3 meals a day....just some nourishment. Drinking is nearly out of the question....each time we wait to see if it goes down or if she gets strangled. Her food is pureed and is not the least bit appetizing in appearance. Even with the thickening agent it is not easy for her to swallow liquids. The easiest consistence for her to eat is ice cream or yogurt...she loves sweet things.
It seems like the end is near but we have been saying this for about 6 weeks. Every morning I wake up and realize I did not get a phone call in the middle of the night....it is a blessing to have her one more day but it is a struggle for her. Her body is no longer functioning properly....she is on oxygen to help her breathe a little easier, she has a catheter to prevent infection of the wound, her feet have not touched the floor to walk in over a year and she has been unable to sit up for the last 6 weeks or more. She has had two seizures in the last two weeks, one just yesterday....both witnessed by just hospice.
After the seizure she sleeps heavily...you can not rouse her to eat or drink. Yesterday the nurse was there and she did get a response when she bathed her eyes with a cold gauze pad...she never opened her eyes but did let us know she did not like that. The nurse said the wound was no longer infected and looked good, although it will never heal.
Last week she went 4 days without food or drinking and we feared the end was near. On Saturday she ate all of her breakfast and most of her lunch. Nothing much since then so we are going on day 3 of not eating or drinking this week.
Her body lingers here on this earth.....the Lord will bring her home on His time table. Her beloved Billy is waiting on her in heaven along with other family members who she cries out for daily. Some days all we hear is daddy, daddy, daddy. We don't know if she means her daddy or Billy. She called Billy daddy in front of us....since he was our daddy. Her body will be perfect again. No memory problems, no more pain, 100% whole.
It will leave a hole in our hearts, just like dad's passing last year, but we know we will see her again one day. It is not good bye but until we see you again. We love you mom.
