Mother's Day 2011
Tim, Mom, Nancy & Diane
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Not a good day.....
My sister and I went to visit mom today.....she was crying when we arrived. Crying out daddy, daddy, daddy......we told her who we were but we could tell it did not register who we were. She just kept crying out for her daddy. The aid asked if we knew why and we had no idea. Her daddy has been dead for over 30 years but that one piece of a memory was there today. The aid said she usually does not start crying and calling for her daddy until late afternoon but that she had been this way since breakfast. We tried to console her, tried to get her to go for a ride with us but we could not get her to move from her spot on the sofa. I told her I brought her a special treat and gave her an M&M peanut butter and she liked that.....usually she will eat several but would only eat one today. She finally stopped crying and we kept telling her who we were and then she would start crying again. Her ability to carry on a conversation did not exist today. We just kept talking to her and when we would understand a word we would comment back. It just breaks my heart to see her like this. It is a horrible disease that makes no sense to the one who has it....and to the family it is a progression into a black hole for their loved one. There is not a darn thing you can do but watch them slip farther and farther away. Her bad days seem to out number her good days as she slips away from us. I wish I had a funny story to tell about today's visit but I don't have one.....just heartbreak today. Mom we love you.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Another birthday for me......
I will be celebrating another birthday in just a few days....but I will not hear my mom say Happy Birthday. Now her days run together, she does not know who had a birthday, when it was and never told any of us Happy birthday. It is sad that she has no concept that she is our mom, grandmother, or wife. She is just someone who longs to see her parents again and wonders where they are. We go to see her and I start every visit by saying, 'Hello Betty, I am your daughter Diane'. Sometimes there is a glimmer, sometimes she cries but does not know why but most of the time it is just a face with no recognition of who I really am. She became a great grandmother for the 8th time just a few weeks ago but has no idea what that really means. It breaks my heart to know that she has no idea what is going on around her. Her words are failing and she repeats herself...the last visit the 'magic word' was pigs, pigs, pigs. It has been pickles and paper at different times and there is no way to understand what she is trying to say. Mom we all love you and know that you are just a shell of what you used to be. We will soon celebrate Thanksgiving and we will be thankful for the many years you knew us, loved us and raised us and helped us raise our own children. We are praying for you as you hang in there with this awful disease.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
And the days roll on.......
I can see a further decline with mom every time I visit. Our conversations now are mom talking but rarely making any sense. Her sentences are words just jumbled together but she is still able to enjoy the visit. I always take her out in the garden area because she has always loved sitting outside. Now the flowers (in her mind) take on shapes of people or things out in the garden.
In a recent visit she was repeating the same word over and over......paper. I had no idea what she was trying to say but just listened to her voice and would nod and say "really?" every now and then. I decided to take her for a ride to distract and redirect her attention...it helped. We drove around Tucker and she said these houses were beautiful and that she had never lived in a house so nice. I then told her about our house where I grew up and shared some of my memories from that home. I told her after I got married they moved to Tucker and she had a beautiful home that she shared with her husband and her other two children. I related some of our 'holiday' memories that we had shared in that home, but it did not seem to register. When we returned to NLG, we listened to some of the old hymns and she sang along with Amy Grant's Holy, Holy, Holy.....she knew every word.
Moving mom to memory care was one of the hardest things we have had to do....dad wanted her home but he knew that he could not take care of her 24/7 and the kids could help but could not provide the constant care that she needs. She would not take care of her personal hygiene when we tried to help her. In her mind she had just done that. Dad's hospital stay last year, opened our eye about how much dad was doing for her and hiding it from us. Mom is content in memory care and does not 'miss' home. Before she moved into memory care, she did not understand where she was (in her home) and was always asking to 'go home'. She did not know where home was but it was not where she currently was living. In the mind of a person with AD they want to go back to a 'safer' time, where they knew what was going on around them. She wants to be with people she remembers from many years back. She still asks when her mom and dad are going to be home and we have to use our best 'fiblet' and just say later.
This disease is truly awful and until you experience it I know it must be hard for you to imagine. Our mom has gone from being the one we could question about her famous macaroni and cheese recipe to one we sit and visit with...holding her hand and cherishing the time spent together. Memories we hold dear are no longer part of mom's memory.....she does not remember her children, grands or her husband. Mom and Dad were married 65 years on July 22 but she did not remember it. What a grand party we could have had to celebrate their lives together. Now, we are just people who come to visit her.....I hope that she understands how much we love her. I wish there were a magic pill to restore her memory but there is nothing out there and she just rolls along day to day. We love you mom.
In a recent visit she was repeating the same word over and over......paper. I had no idea what she was trying to say but just listened to her voice and would nod and say "really?" every now and then. I decided to take her for a ride to distract and redirect her attention...it helped. We drove around Tucker and she said these houses were beautiful and that she had never lived in a house so nice. I then told her about our house where I grew up and shared some of my memories from that home. I told her after I got married they moved to Tucker and she had a beautiful home that she shared with her husband and her other two children. I related some of our 'holiday' memories that we had shared in that home, but it did not seem to register. When we returned to NLG, we listened to some of the old hymns and she sang along with Amy Grant's Holy, Holy, Holy.....she knew every word.
Moving mom to memory care was one of the hardest things we have had to do....dad wanted her home but he knew that he could not take care of her 24/7 and the kids could help but could not provide the constant care that she needs. She would not take care of her personal hygiene when we tried to help her. In her mind she had just done that. Dad's hospital stay last year, opened our eye about how much dad was doing for her and hiding it from us. Mom is content in memory care and does not 'miss' home. Before she moved into memory care, she did not understand where she was (in her home) and was always asking to 'go home'. She did not know where home was but it was not where she currently was living. In the mind of a person with AD they want to go back to a 'safer' time, where they knew what was going on around them. She wants to be with people she remembers from many years back. She still asks when her mom and dad are going to be home and we have to use our best 'fiblet' and just say later.
This disease is truly awful and until you experience it I know it must be hard for you to imagine. Our mom has gone from being the one we could question about her famous macaroni and cheese recipe to one we sit and visit with...holding her hand and cherishing the time spent together. Memories we hold dear are no longer part of mom's memory.....she does not remember her children, grands or her husband. Mom and Dad were married 65 years on July 22 but she did not remember it. What a grand party we could have had to celebrate their lives together. Now, we are just people who come to visit her.....I hope that she understands how much we love her. I wish there were a magic pill to restore her memory but there is nothing out there and she just rolls along day to day. We love you mom.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Happy Mother's day.......
We will soon celebrate another Mother's day....to our Mom...grammy....meme it will be just another day. She will not be able to understand why we are celebrating a day for just Mother's. I have asked the family to share some of their fond memories about her. To some she is known as Grammy, others call her Meme and to her children she is Mom.
Nancy Love (daughter)
The past 12 months have been extremely hard. It started last May...to be exact the Friday after Mother's Day 2013. Dad was admitted to the hospital with a severe UTI. Up until that time he was her 24/7 caregiver. There were days we did not think he would ever come home. It was during this time that Mom really began her decline with Alzheimer's. It is very sad to watch your Mom go from knowing and understanding to not knowing exactly who you are and what is actually going on. I have said many times you have to laugh to keep from crying, but the tears do come more than I want to admit. Mom has always been so strong and loving to all of us and I pray that can be said of me. The one thing I keep remembering is how much music did and still does mean to Mom. Last fall, Jim Van Matre (a former Minister of Music at Rehoboth Baptist Church) came by Northlake Gardens to visit mom and dad. Jim played the piano and Mom sang every word of those gospel songs that he played. It was a sweet, sweet time. As the days have drifted by, Mom only knows who we are sometimes. I know it will only get harder as she slips away more but she is still 'Mama' to me. I love you Mom and Happy Mother's Day.
Patrick Smith (grandson)
Some of my fondest memories are sitting on the couch playing cards, mostly Rummy, with Meme. She also would come and watch my baseball and basketball games, from the time I played t-ball all the way to my senior year. She watched me in the afternoons after we got out of school and she would make snacks for me.....cutting up an apple or fixing a bowl of strawberries and cool whip. She was always singing or humming around the house. Long story short I remember her willingness to go out of her way to anything I asked or anything she knew would be beneficial for me.
Andy Love (grandson)
I remember as a kid sitting outside with Meme on the carport and eating watermelon. She showed me how to spit the seeds in the bushes. I also remember going to Daytona and she and Papa would sit in the shade by the pool and she would always come home with a better tan than any of us who were in the pool or sat in the sun all week. It seems as though her favorite past time, aside from watching her grandsons play baseball, was just sitting outside in the carport. She wanted to be out front where she could see what was going on in the neighborhood. My son was born a little over three years ago and on Christmas Eve we walked in with 8 day old Caden....it only seemed right to walk straight to her and let her be the first one at the party to hold him....he was her great grandson. Now I have a daughter on the way, I hope to repeat this and let her hold her great granddaughter after she arrives in August. As tough as it is to watch her go through this awful disease, it make sense to hold on to these memories I have. I will always love my Meme and enjoy sharing the memories that could go on forever.
Susan Holdrich (granddaughter)
There are many great moments of sweet Gram's...first she was lovely. She was warm, she loved, she laughed, she loved her TV story "All My Children", she loved her church, she loved where she grew up, she loved Pops.....she loved all of us. She let Nicki and I sit at her feet (when we little and even as adults) and fight for 'sitting space' for her special head rubs and back scratches. She loved well and most of all we loved her. Some of the best days with her was picking Chris up on the way home from school, eating lunch with her and watching what Erica Kane was up too. I loved it most when all of the cousins were there for lunch, always crazy getting everyone's hands washed and to the table. I loved catching up with her at the beach and sharing Peanut Butter M&M's with her. Today, my heart breaks, slowly observing what Alzheimer's can do to a person, her heart and especially our heart. At times, she is in the present, even if for just a few moments. She is still beautiful, she is still love, she is still my Gram's.....mostly she is loved by her family.
Scott Magnus (grandson)
To me she is Grammy. I remember her playing the piano in the living room and she also let the kids play the piano....mainly we just banged on the keys. I remember a Labor Day 17 nearly 18 years ago, it is a memory very similar to Andy's that was just a few years ago. The family got together and being a proud new dad I handed my first born, Madison, to her to hold. Any time we had a new addition the tradition continued....Grammy was given the honor to hold the newborn for the first time. That is my fondest memory--proud daddy handing the baby to his Grammy.
Diane Chadwick (daughter)
MOM.....where do I begin. I have to agree with all of these special memories that are mentioned and then some. I remember coming home from the hospital over 40 years ago with my first born, Susan, as a 21 year old. In 'those days' you could not climb stairs after the birth of a baby so we went to stay with mom & dad for a week. She helped me care for Susan and taught me how to take care of a baby. When we went home we were really on our own but I knew what to do. When I had to go back to work....I did not have to put Susan in day care, mom cared for her everyday. Then we moved to Florida when Susan was 18 months old and all of our hearts were broken. I think I cried the entire trip to Florida. Mom was always the one who held the family together....any holiday was celebrated at her house with all the family. She cooked and cleaned and then she could never sit down to enjoy the meal...she was always refilling tea glasses. We did not move back to ATL until Susan was in the 7th grade....our house sold quickly in SC and we had no place to live so mom said come live with us. So we moved in and stayed with them from January-April when we found our new home and moved. My kids lived in the living room and had their clothes in boxes....they camped out and loved it. She offered up her baby sitting services again when Christopher was born, she quit her job and kept both Christopher and Preston as babies. They were 11 days apart so she basically had twins to take care of and she was in her late 50's. I don't know if she ever knew how grateful we all were for her unselfishness on taking care of both the boys. She was a rock for me when I went through a divorce and was there for me when Jim and I announced we were getting married. Mom has been through it all with all of her children. She has the biggest heart and loved us all unconditionally. She is loved more than she knows.....these days she may not remember us by name but when we visit her, she knows it is someone she knows and that she is loved. We celebrate this Mother's Day with mom in memory care, she may not remember who we are and why we are celebrating this day but we all now what a special place she has in our hearts. We all love you MOM.
Nancy Love (daughter)
The past 12 months have been extremely hard. It started last May...to be exact the Friday after Mother's Day 2013. Dad was admitted to the hospital with a severe UTI. Up until that time he was her 24/7 caregiver. There were days we did not think he would ever come home. It was during this time that Mom really began her decline with Alzheimer's. It is very sad to watch your Mom go from knowing and understanding to not knowing exactly who you are and what is actually going on. I have said many times you have to laugh to keep from crying, but the tears do come more than I want to admit. Mom has always been so strong and loving to all of us and I pray that can be said of me. The one thing I keep remembering is how much music did and still does mean to Mom. Last fall, Jim Van Matre (a former Minister of Music at Rehoboth Baptist Church) came by Northlake Gardens to visit mom and dad. Jim played the piano and Mom sang every word of those gospel songs that he played. It was a sweet, sweet time. As the days have drifted by, Mom only knows who we are sometimes. I know it will only get harder as she slips away more but she is still 'Mama' to me. I love you Mom and Happy Mother's Day.
Patrick Smith (grandson)
Some of my fondest memories are sitting on the couch playing cards, mostly Rummy, with Meme. She also would come and watch my baseball and basketball games, from the time I played t-ball all the way to my senior year. She watched me in the afternoons after we got out of school and she would make snacks for me.....cutting up an apple or fixing a bowl of strawberries and cool whip. She was always singing or humming around the house. Long story short I remember her willingness to go out of her way to anything I asked or anything she knew would be beneficial for me.
Andy Love (grandson)
I remember as a kid sitting outside with Meme on the carport and eating watermelon. She showed me how to spit the seeds in the bushes. I also remember going to Daytona and she and Papa would sit in the shade by the pool and she would always come home with a better tan than any of us who were in the pool or sat in the sun all week. It seems as though her favorite past time, aside from watching her grandsons play baseball, was just sitting outside in the carport. She wanted to be out front where she could see what was going on in the neighborhood. My son was born a little over three years ago and on Christmas Eve we walked in with 8 day old Caden....it only seemed right to walk straight to her and let her be the first one at the party to hold him....he was her great grandson. Now I have a daughter on the way, I hope to repeat this and let her hold her great granddaughter after she arrives in August. As tough as it is to watch her go through this awful disease, it make sense to hold on to these memories I have. I will always love my Meme and enjoy sharing the memories that could go on forever.
Susan Holdrich (granddaughter)
There are many great moments of sweet Gram's...first she was lovely. She was warm, she loved, she laughed, she loved her TV story "All My Children", she loved her church, she loved where she grew up, she loved Pops.....she loved all of us. She let Nicki and I sit at her feet (when we little and even as adults) and fight for 'sitting space' for her special head rubs and back scratches. She loved well and most of all we loved her. Some of the best days with her was picking Chris up on the way home from school, eating lunch with her and watching what Erica Kane was up too. I loved it most when all of the cousins were there for lunch, always crazy getting everyone's hands washed and to the table. I loved catching up with her at the beach and sharing Peanut Butter M&M's with her. Today, my heart breaks, slowly observing what Alzheimer's can do to a person, her heart and especially our heart. At times, she is in the present, even if for just a few moments. She is still beautiful, she is still love, she is still my Gram's.....mostly she is loved by her family.
Scott Magnus (grandson)
To me she is Grammy. I remember her playing the piano in the living room and she also let the kids play the piano....mainly we just banged on the keys. I remember a Labor Day 17 nearly 18 years ago, it is a memory very similar to Andy's that was just a few years ago. The family got together and being a proud new dad I handed my first born, Madison, to her to hold. Any time we had a new addition the tradition continued....Grammy was given the honor to hold the newborn for the first time. That is my fondest memory--proud daddy handing the baby to his Grammy.
Diane Chadwick (daughter)
MOM.....where do I begin. I have to agree with all of these special memories that are mentioned and then some. I remember coming home from the hospital over 40 years ago with my first born, Susan, as a 21 year old. In 'those days' you could not climb stairs after the birth of a baby so we went to stay with mom & dad for a week. She helped me care for Susan and taught me how to take care of a baby. When we went home we were really on our own but I knew what to do. When I had to go back to work....I did not have to put Susan in day care, mom cared for her everyday. Then we moved to Florida when Susan was 18 months old and all of our hearts were broken. I think I cried the entire trip to Florida. Mom was always the one who held the family together....any holiday was celebrated at her house with all the family. She cooked and cleaned and then she could never sit down to enjoy the meal...she was always refilling tea glasses. We did not move back to ATL until Susan was in the 7th grade....our house sold quickly in SC and we had no place to live so mom said come live with us. So we moved in and stayed with them from January-April when we found our new home and moved. My kids lived in the living room and had their clothes in boxes....they camped out and loved it. She offered up her baby sitting services again when Christopher was born, she quit her job and kept both Christopher and Preston as babies. They were 11 days apart so she basically had twins to take care of and she was in her late 50's. I don't know if she ever knew how grateful we all were for her unselfishness on taking care of both the boys. She was a rock for me when I went through a divorce and was there for me when Jim and I announced we were getting married. Mom has been through it all with all of her children. She has the biggest heart and loved us all unconditionally. She is loved more than she knows.....these days she may not remember us by name but when we visit her, she knows it is someone she knows and that she is loved. We celebrate this Mother's Day with mom in memory care, she may not remember who we are and why we are celebrating this day but we all now what a special place she has in our hearts. We all love you MOM.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Our mom was healed......if only in my dreams
What a dream last night! I dreamed we took mom home to visit with dad and when she walked into their home she immediately became lucid and no longer had Alzheimer's....she said she had just been fooling us all along. Sad reality when I woke up and realized it was just a dream.
On a recent visit with mom, she asked who I was when I sat down next to her. I told her I was her daughter Diane and gave her a hug. She held my hand and said she was so glad to see me and how did I ever find her at her home. I told her I knew where she lived and I came to visit. During our conversation it was apparent she did not remember who I was but as I was leaving she yelled out Diane come here. When I went back over to see her again she said I forgot what I was going to tell you but she was pulling at her hair. I had told her during our conversation her hair still looked pretty but we would need to take her for a hair cut in two weeks. I asked if she wanted her hair cut and she said yes, I told her it looked pretty but my sister and I would take her soon to get her hair done. There was a glimmer of OUR mom in there, if only for just a moment.
A recent editorial in an LA newspaper had some shocking figures on Alzheimer's. Thousands die from AD but yet it is usually complications of something else that is listed as their cause of death. More people REALLY die from AD than cancer but it is not listed as their cause of death. They end up with pneumonia, fall and hit their head, can no longer swallow so they can't eat, and many other things that cause death but the reason is REALLY AD. It also talked about the millions of dollars worth of 'free care-giving' done by the caregiver who is usually the spouse or other close relative. This disease touches more than the care givers, every family member is effected in some way. I took our mom and figured out the BLOOD relatives that are touched by AD... there are three adult children who each have 2 children. Out of those 6 grands, 4 are married and have two children each or at least one is due in August to make that family have two. Total of 17 blood relatives that have been touched by this awful disease now with a family member and could have this disease in the future. Now include the spouses of these blood relatives and you can count 7 more affected and two are not yet married. So with just one person having AD in an average size family, 24 people are affected not counting mom and dad. If you have a family member that has AD--do your numbers it will astonish you. Multiply that by the thousands of people who have AD and people who have a blood relative with the disease grows by leaps and bounds.
It is that time of year for Alzheimer's walks....people may ask you to donate money for the Alzheimer's Association. Don't think that is not my disease, because sooner or later you may have someone in your family diagnosed with AD. If someone asks for a donation, think before you just say no. I will be giving in honor of my mom.
There are many blogs out there with families going through this same journey....some have a lot of followers. This one is just family but it helps me to write about it.
We love you mom, honey, grams, meme.
Billy, Diane, Nancy, Tim, Susan, Scott, Nicki, Andy, Preston, Patrick, Christopher, Madison, Macy, Chesney, Parker, Caden, Hudson and 'peanut'. Thank you to all the spouses....Jim, Jim, Dana, Brian, Caressa, Justin, and Talethea. We could not do what we need to do for mom without everyone's support.
On a recent visit with mom, she asked who I was when I sat down next to her. I told her I was her daughter Diane and gave her a hug. She held my hand and said she was so glad to see me and how did I ever find her at her home. I told her I knew where she lived and I came to visit. During our conversation it was apparent she did not remember who I was but as I was leaving she yelled out Diane come here. When I went back over to see her again she said I forgot what I was going to tell you but she was pulling at her hair. I had told her during our conversation her hair still looked pretty but we would need to take her for a hair cut in two weeks. I asked if she wanted her hair cut and she said yes, I told her it looked pretty but my sister and I would take her soon to get her hair done. There was a glimmer of OUR mom in there, if only for just a moment.
A recent editorial in an LA newspaper had some shocking figures on Alzheimer's. Thousands die from AD but yet it is usually complications of something else that is listed as their cause of death. More people REALLY die from AD than cancer but it is not listed as their cause of death. They end up with pneumonia, fall and hit their head, can no longer swallow so they can't eat, and many other things that cause death but the reason is REALLY AD. It also talked about the millions of dollars worth of 'free care-giving' done by the caregiver who is usually the spouse or other close relative. This disease touches more than the care givers, every family member is effected in some way. I took our mom and figured out the BLOOD relatives that are touched by AD... there are three adult children who each have 2 children. Out of those 6 grands, 4 are married and have two children each or at least one is due in August to make that family have two. Total of 17 blood relatives that have been touched by this awful disease now with a family member and could have this disease in the future. Now include the spouses of these blood relatives and you can count 7 more affected and two are not yet married. So with just one person having AD in an average size family, 24 people are affected not counting mom and dad. If you have a family member that has AD--do your numbers it will astonish you. Multiply that by the thousands of people who have AD and people who have a blood relative with the disease grows by leaps and bounds.
It is that time of year for Alzheimer's walks....people may ask you to donate money for the Alzheimer's Association. Don't think that is not my disease, because sooner or later you may have someone in your family diagnosed with AD. If someone asks for a donation, think before you just say no. I will be giving in honor of my mom.
There are many blogs out there with families going through this same journey....some have a lot of followers. This one is just family but it helps me to write about it.
We love you mom, honey, grams, meme.
Billy, Diane, Nancy, Tim, Susan, Scott, Nicki, Andy, Preston, Patrick, Christopher, Madison, Macy, Chesney, Parker, Caden, Hudson and 'peanut'. Thank you to all the spouses....Jim, Jim, Dana, Brian, Caressa, Justin, and Talethea. We could not do what we need to do for mom without everyone's support.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Another year down this road....
Our family made it through Christmas and into a new year. We have had one new addition to the family, Hudson Thomas Waits and found out we are expecting another addition sometime in late summer. Congratulations to both families.
Mom has settled into her daily routine at the memory care facility. Christmas was especially hard on all of the family this year.....we have memories from previous years and knew that the party would not go like it had in years past. Mom was able to come celebrate with the family on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours. With a family celebration that included 18 adults, 3 teenagers and 3 kids under 5 it was a rousing party. The two adult granddaughters kept her company and talked with her during the party. She did not seem to understand what was going on and why so many people were coming and going. She opened her presents but did not understand it was Christmas. She knew we were people that were familiar to her but she never recognized anyone to call them by name, not even dad (her husband of 64 years). That was hard on him when he realized she did not know who he was. He was able to kiss her on her hand when she left the party but there was no recognition in her face.
We have just passed our 3rd year milestone into this journey and boy what a difference in mom. Her close up vision is very limited. She has a hard time at meals trying to find the food on her plate and maneuver the utensils and glass. Other people have said this disease is like an age regression, their memory goes back to a 'safe' time in their life and then their abilities regress also. I see it as different phases.....teenager (she had a time when she was angry and aggressive), child like, toddler like and I am sure we will see infant like.
I know that many people are facing this disease with their loved ones and you just have to cherish each visit with them. Sometimes she is looking for her parents and is restless and sometimes she will give you a smile when she sees you but she doesn't remember who you are. She wants to 'go home' which we know is another common request from patients with Alzheimer's. BUT 'home' is not where they lived just a few months ago....home is back in their memory bank of good times from many years ago. She wants to see the people she remembers best--her parents. They loved and cared for her during the years before she was married. That is her safe place.
My prayer is that for one small moment she will recognize dad, me, my sister, my brother or any of the grand kids....just someone. If you have read the book or seen the movie THE NOTEBOOK, you know what I am talking about. For all of you with this same prayer, one day it will happen....maybe not on this earth but when we get to heaven all disease will be gone and my mom will remember. We love you mom!
Mom has settled into her daily routine at the memory care facility. Christmas was especially hard on all of the family this year.....we have memories from previous years and knew that the party would not go like it had in years past. Mom was able to come celebrate with the family on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours. With a family celebration that included 18 adults, 3 teenagers and 3 kids under 5 it was a rousing party. The two adult granddaughters kept her company and talked with her during the party. She did not seem to understand what was going on and why so many people were coming and going. She opened her presents but did not understand it was Christmas. She knew we were people that were familiar to her but she never recognized anyone to call them by name, not even dad (her husband of 64 years). That was hard on him when he realized she did not know who he was. He was able to kiss her on her hand when she left the party but there was no recognition in her face.
We have just passed our 3rd year milestone into this journey and boy what a difference in mom. Her close up vision is very limited. She has a hard time at meals trying to find the food on her plate and maneuver the utensils and glass. Other people have said this disease is like an age regression, their memory goes back to a 'safe' time in their life and then their abilities regress also. I see it as different phases.....teenager (she had a time when she was angry and aggressive), child like, toddler like and I am sure we will see infant like.
I know that many people are facing this disease with their loved ones and you just have to cherish each visit with them. Sometimes she is looking for her parents and is restless and sometimes she will give you a smile when she sees you but she doesn't remember who you are. She wants to 'go home' which we know is another common request from patients with Alzheimer's. BUT 'home' is not where they lived just a few months ago....home is back in their memory bank of good times from many years ago. She wants to see the people she remembers best--her parents. They loved and cared for her during the years before she was married. That is her safe place.
My prayer is that for one small moment she will recognize dad, me, my sister, my brother or any of the grand kids....just someone. If you have read the book or seen the movie THE NOTEBOOK, you know what I am talking about. For all of you with this same prayer, one day it will happen....maybe not on this earth but when we get to heaven all disease will be gone and my mom will remember. We love you mom!
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