A lot has been going on in my life other than my mom's disease. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and I am beginning the fight of my life. That is another blog.....My Cancer Ride.
Thanksgiving was just another holiday that was celebrated without mom. Her alzheimer's disease is taking her further and further into her own world. A world that we are not part of....she does not recognize us and some times does not even acknowledge our visit with her. We try and put on a happy face at the family gatherings but I know we're all missing mom. Mom had an appointment with the doctor and my sister and I tried to take her. She got to the car and could not figure out how to get in. We spent over 30 minutes giving instructions but mom kept saying she did not have any feet. This disease causes them to forget things they have done all their life. How to get in a car, how to use eating utensils, how to swallow and how to do just about anything. Today she was unable to 'turn around and sit on the seat' of a car. Oh how I hate this disease.
The Christmas brunch at NLG was held on the 20th, mom did not recognize any of us at first. I think she finally realized who dad was and she spent time holding his hand. Dad was sick with a cough at the time and Nicki had just gotten over the flu. Dad fell the next morning and then later in the afternoon was unable to get out of his recliner. He was taken to Emory via ambulance unable to walk....Dad was admitted to the hospital on Sunday night/Monday morning with what turned out to be the flu. I could not afford to get sick with my upcoming surgery so I had to stay away from dad and the flu.
Christmas brought in Susan and her family from Texas....we did go see mom but mom had no idea who Susan or Macy were during the visit. Our Christmas Eve family celebration was now missing both our parents this year. We could not bring mom out since she had been unable to get in the car just a few days earlier.
I went to visit mom a few days ago and she cried my entire visit. Nothing I could do could stop the tears......nothing the aid tried worked either. She was crying for her daddy......over and over saying daddy daddy daddy. She did say she had seen him yesterday, I tried to console her and say he had gone to work and would be home later. That just caused her to cry more. We have no way to know if something hurts, is she in pain? Or is she just confused and scared? This disease just sucks...there is no other word to describe it.
My mom has no idea I have cancer.....she would not comprehend what it is or even means. I wish she could just give me a hug and tell me that it is going to be ok. I have my surgery on January 7th.....I will be fighting my fight with this disease. Mom we love you and miss the mom that guided us as we grew up. You took care of us, now it is our turn.
