Our family has taken a vacation to Florida every year since Mom & Dad's 50th Wedding anniversary about 16 years ago. This year was no different...it had been planned for the week of July 9-16 since last year. All of the siblings, spouses, most of our kids and grandkids stay for a week. We knew going into this year that Mom may not make it through the week but we all agreed she would want us to finish our vacation.
On Friday, July 8th, my sister and I went to visit her and coax her to eat some lunch. She had just eaten a few bites over the last week and barely had taken in any liquids. On Friday she would not swallow the food or water, her eyes had a far away look in them. She offered no recognition to either of us. My husband and I went back after supper and there was no change...she had not eaten any supper nor taken any liquids. I felt in my heart that she would not live until we returned in 7 days. I told her I loved her, kissed her forehead and told her if she wanted to go to heaven while we were gone we understood.....she had fought this disease for so long. The last 3+months had been pure hell for the family....seizures, not eating or drinking for days, then she would eat a carton of yogurt and then back to not eating or drinking. It was a roller coaster ride that we had to endure and could not stop and get off. We are thankful that mom did not know how bad the disease had taken over her body and she had no physical pain.
On Monday morning at 6:05 am my cell phone rang......I knew it was about mom. Erica asked if I could come to Northlake Gardens right now and I said no remember we are on vacation in Florida. She said oh I forgot, and there was a long silence on her end. I asked her if mom passed away and she said yes......it was between the 4am and 6am bed check. She had died peacefully in her sleep....just like we had hoped it would be....a peaceful ending to this long struggle. Mom had had many opportunities to pass away with the family in town or by her side but she did not want that. She did it when we were gone and she died alone. That makes me sad thinking there was no one with her at the last breath but she did not want that. The Lord has His own perfect timing......when our dad passed away all 3 of the children were in the room with him. Mom wanted to do it by herself. When she took her last breath here, her next was in Glory.
We all had heavy hearts at the beach but were thankful....we knew she was in heaven with Jesus and was with her husband of nearly 67 years. Their 67th anniversary will be July 22nd. She got to see her parents, her in-laws, grandparents, and friends who had gone before her. She knew our names and I am guessing she ran into the arms of dad....her beloved Billy. Mom was in a glorious new body that was perfect. For that we were all thankful.
We had funeral arrangements to handle while we were at the beach and we got it handled without any problems. Some things had been taken care of in advance....we just did not know when the event would happen. We spent days on the beach or by the pool and ate great seafood every night. We had done this as a family for many years with mom and dad attending but it has been 3 years since they were able to make the trip because of their health. It was bittersweet but it is a trip we will never forget.
We arrived home Saturday afternoon and had visitation set up for Sunday afternoon and evening.....we had an out pouring of love on all of us from friends. Mom and dad were loved by many and we felt that love and are thankful for every visit, card and text we have received. On Monday we had a glorious celebration for mom's home going service......two favorite songs were sung. One was a Guy Penrod song...Knowing what I know about Heaven and the other was When I get up to heaven. Great service by Dr Troy Bush.
Many of you are still going through your journey and it may last another day, a week or longer. There is no way to know when it will end with Alzheimer's disease...it is ugly and cruel and our family knows what you have been through, are going through or will go through in the future. Not every person is the same but the end results are the same. Your loved one will be healed once their final breath has been taken on this earth.
This will be my last post about our family's journey.....it has helped me by sharing. I hope that you have been blessed and hope that someone was helped through our experiences that I have shared.
God Bless you as your continue on your journey.
We Love you mom and dad, until we meet again in heaven.
Betty Patrick Smith
Wife, Mom, Meme
June 20, 1930-July 11, 2016
Diane & Jim Chadwick-daughter
Nancy & Jim Love-daughter
Tim & Dana Smith-son
Susan Holdrich-granddaughter
Scott Magnus-grandson
Nicki Waits-granddaughter
Andy Love-grandson
Preston Smith-grandson
Patrick Smith-grandson
Chris Holdrich-great grandson
Madison Magnus-great granddaughter
Macy Holdrich-great granddaughter
Chesney Magnus-great granddaughter
Parker Waits-great grandson
Caden Love-great grandson
Hudson Waits-great grandson
Kensington Love-great granddaughter
Mother's Day 2011
Tim, Mom, Nancy & Diane
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Enough.........
Mom is still here on this earth but we long for her to leave this frail body and meet Jesus face to face. I know some people will not understand this and think we are horrible children to say that, but mom has suffered (in our opinion) long enough.....we know that every thing is in God's perfect timing but we don't have His watch on to see what 'time' it is.
All of the kids have said it one way or another that enough is enough. In our book mom has done everything asked of her......she taught VBS, she sang in the choir, she played the piano in church, she was faithful to her husband of 65+ years, she took her children to church and taught us to love the Lord. Her work on earth is done....not sure what else the Lord needs her to do before she earns her wings. The love of her life is waiting on her in heaven.
Mom has been having lots of small seizures....last Monday we thought it was her time to go. She was not breathing and her heartbeat was very weak but she rallied after a few minutes. We though it was just a matter of hours but here we are 10 days later. These seizures just take all of her strength and she does not have very much to begin with.
Yesterday was Mom's birthday.....86 years on this earth. I captured a sweet picture of two of mom's aides bringing her cupcakes and singing Happy Birthday to her. She is in a place where she is cared for and loved like family. They all stop by as they leave for the day to make sure she is still here and that is the first thing they do when they arrive each day....they check on Miss Betty to see if she lived through the night. We are so thankful for the ladies at Northlake Gardens who have loved and cared for mom for nearly 3 years.
Nancy and I talked the other day that if our 'heavenly' body acts like our 'earthly' body, then we bet dad is bugging the stew out of Jesus....asking it is time for Betty to come, can I go get her and bring her home, when is she going to be here? I can hear him know.....just like a little kid. His answer must be just a little bit longer before we are ready to welcome her home.
Mom will soon get her angel wings and take her last breath here on earth and in the next moment will be in heaven. She is not eating anything to amount to much..today 2 bites of ice cream and a couple of sips of tea. It has been 4 days since she eaten more than just a few bites of anything.....certainly not enough to sustain her body. She rarely speaks/mumbles....but we are thankful she is not in physical pain.
Our family needs your prayers....we are going to lose our mom very soon and it is going to leave a hole in our hearts. We will shed more tears but we know that she will be in perfect health and in a perfect body. She will take one last breath here and the next moment she will see her sweet Jesus. She will be united with her husband and parents and those who have gone before her. Until we meet again in heaven.....We Love you Mom.
Diane, Nancy and Tim
All of the kids have said it one way or another that enough is enough. In our book mom has done everything asked of her......she taught VBS, she sang in the choir, she played the piano in church, she was faithful to her husband of 65+ years, she took her children to church and taught us to love the Lord. Her work on earth is done....not sure what else the Lord needs her to do before she earns her wings. The love of her life is waiting on her in heaven.
Mom has been having lots of small seizures....last Monday we thought it was her time to go. She was not breathing and her heartbeat was very weak but she rallied after a few minutes. We though it was just a matter of hours but here we are 10 days later. These seizures just take all of her strength and she does not have very much to begin with.
Yesterday was Mom's birthday.....86 years on this earth. I captured a sweet picture of two of mom's aides bringing her cupcakes and singing Happy Birthday to her. She is in a place where she is cared for and loved like family. They all stop by as they leave for the day to make sure she is still here and that is the first thing they do when they arrive each day....they check on Miss Betty to see if she lived through the night. We are so thankful for the ladies at Northlake Gardens who have loved and cared for mom for nearly 3 years.
Nancy and I talked the other day that if our 'heavenly' body acts like our 'earthly' body, then we bet dad is bugging the stew out of Jesus....asking it is time for Betty to come, can I go get her and bring her home, when is she going to be here? I can hear him know.....just like a little kid. His answer must be just a little bit longer before we are ready to welcome her home.
Mom will soon get her angel wings and take her last breath here on earth and in the next moment will be in heaven. She is not eating anything to amount to much..today 2 bites of ice cream and a couple of sips of tea. It has been 4 days since she eaten more than just a few bites of anything.....certainly not enough to sustain her body. She rarely speaks/mumbles....but we are thankful she is not in physical pain.
Our family needs your prayers....we are going to lose our mom very soon and it is going to leave a hole in our hearts. We will shed more tears but we know that she will be in perfect health and in a perfect body. She will take one last breath here and the next moment she will see her sweet Jesus. She will be united with her husband and parents and those who have gone before her. Until we meet again in heaven.....We Love you Mom.
Diane, Nancy and Tim
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
The long long long good bye.......
Mom has been going down hill and there is nothing we can do to stop this snowball. There has been very little pain for mom (or so it seems) but it is not pain free for those who love her.
Some days she will answer simple questions or tell you she is freezing....the AC unit is right next to her bed and when it kicks on she will tell you I'm freezing. Some days she sleeps and doesn't eat.....some days she will only eat ice cream. At this point who cares if she eats ice cream 3 meals a day....just some nourishment. Drinking is nearly out of the question....each time we wait to see if it goes down or if she gets strangled. Her food is pureed and is not the least bit appetizing in appearance. Even with the thickening agent it is not easy for her to swallow liquids. The easiest consistence for her to eat is ice cream or yogurt...she loves sweet things.
It seems like the end is near but we have been saying this for about 6 weeks. Every morning I wake up and realize I did not get a phone call in the middle of the night....it is a blessing to have her one more day but it is a struggle for her. Her body is no longer functioning properly....she is on oxygen to help her breathe a little easier, she has a catheter to prevent infection of the wound, her feet have not touched the floor to walk in over a year and she has been unable to sit up for the last 6 weeks or more. She has had two seizures in the last two weeks, one just yesterday....both witnessed by just hospice.
After the seizure she sleeps heavily...you can not rouse her to eat or drink. Yesterday the nurse was there and she did get a response when she bathed her eyes with a cold gauze pad...she never opened her eyes but did let us know she did not like that. The nurse said the wound was no longer infected and looked good, although it will never heal.
Last week she went 4 days without food or drinking and we feared the end was near. On Saturday she ate all of her breakfast and most of her lunch. Nothing much since then so we are going on day 3 of not eating or drinking this week.
Her body lingers here on this earth.....the Lord will bring her home on His time table. Her beloved Billy is waiting on her in heaven along with other family members who she cries out for daily. Some days all we hear is daddy, daddy, daddy. We don't know if she means her daddy or Billy. She called Billy daddy in front of us....since he was our daddy. Her body will be perfect again. No memory problems, no more pain, 100% whole.
It will leave a hole in our hearts, just like dad's passing last year, but we know we will see her again one day. It is not good bye but until we see you again. We love you mom.
Some days she will answer simple questions or tell you she is freezing....the AC unit is right next to her bed and when it kicks on she will tell you I'm freezing. Some days she sleeps and doesn't eat.....some days she will only eat ice cream. At this point who cares if she eats ice cream 3 meals a day....just some nourishment. Drinking is nearly out of the question....each time we wait to see if it goes down or if she gets strangled. Her food is pureed and is not the least bit appetizing in appearance. Even with the thickening agent it is not easy for her to swallow liquids. The easiest consistence for her to eat is ice cream or yogurt...she loves sweet things.
It seems like the end is near but we have been saying this for about 6 weeks. Every morning I wake up and realize I did not get a phone call in the middle of the night....it is a blessing to have her one more day but it is a struggle for her. Her body is no longer functioning properly....she is on oxygen to help her breathe a little easier, she has a catheter to prevent infection of the wound, her feet have not touched the floor to walk in over a year and she has been unable to sit up for the last 6 weeks or more. She has had two seizures in the last two weeks, one just yesterday....both witnessed by just hospice.
After the seizure she sleeps heavily...you can not rouse her to eat or drink. Yesterday the nurse was there and she did get a response when she bathed her eyes with a cold gauze pad...she never opened her eyes but did let us know she did not like that. The nurse said the wound was no longer infected and looked good, although it will never heal.
Last week she went 4 days without food or drinking and we feared the end was near. On Saturday she ate all of her breakfast and most of her lunch. Nothing much since then so we are going on day 3 of not eating or drinking this week.
Her body lingers here on this earth.....the Lord will bring her home on His time table. Her beloved Billy is waiting on her in heaven along with other family members who she cries out for daily. Some days all we hear is daddy, daddy, daddy. We don't know if she means her daddy or Billy. She called Billy daddy in front of us....since he was our daddy. Her body will be perfect again. No memory problems, no more pain, 100% whole.
It will leave a hole in our hearts, just like dad's passing last year, but we know we will see her again one day. It is not good bye but until we see you again. We love you mom.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
It has been awhile.......
The last time I blogged my dad was in hospice care.....he passed away a few days later on June 12th. My mom had no idea what was going with him and to this day is not aware of my dad's passing. Her beloved Billy of over 66 years is waiting for her in heaven.
The last few weeks have been hard......I followed a mom's blog whose child had cancer and he passed away about 10 days ago. Another blog I follow....Missing Jim(he had early onset Alzheimer's) and he recently passed away. Mom is just lingering.
A long time friend of my mom's who had lost contact with her found out about my dad's passing by googling his name on her new iPhone. She contacted the funeral home to find out how to get in touch with mom. I called her and gave her the news that mom could no longer communicate due to Alzheimer's and that mom no longer knew who we were. I told her I would let mom know that she called and that was praying for her. On my next visit, I told her I had spoken with Margaret Carter and she said to tell you hello and that she was praying for you. Mom's response was a long drawn out 'really' and she gave me a smile. I reminded her of the good times that she and Billy had with Margaret and Johnny many years ago....playing cards every Friday night when I was just a baby. I pray that there was a flicker of recognition in there.
I hate this disease....what you see on TV ads about taking this drug or that drug shows you the very early stages of Alzheimer's. The reality is this disease has no cure and those drugs only work for a short while to slow the progression down. Once it takes a real hold of the patient....there is no turning back and it gets worse. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is just a long downward spiral.
Mom's journey has been a long downward spiral. She has developed pressure sores because she is so thin and has no muscle mass. The hospice nurse said it would be hard to treat and because of where they are she can no longer sit up in her wheelchair. She is bedridden but is not exhibiting any signs of pain. Thank goodness for that. We had a frank talk with the director of her unit and she said that our mom was still here because she was still eating (although very little intake) and the love her family showed her. It has been about a week now and eating is getting more difficult laying on her side and getting the bed elevated enough to aid her swallowing. She had a few choking spells the end of last week and now her food is pureed. It does not look good but she eats what she likes....if she doesn't like it she makes a face just like a little kid would do. Last week I was feeding her something green (my first thought was it was green beans which she likes) but she made a face when I fed it to her. I fed her the other items on the plate and tried again and still got an ugly face. Turned out it was white rice with pesto and she did not like that one bit.
Deep down in my soul I feel like this is the beginning of the end and pray for a quick and easy passing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother dearly and will hate to see her pass away but this disease is cruel....on the patient and the family. It is so taxing to see your parent like this....it is a complete reversal of roles......I am now spoon feeding my mom 'baby food.' If she was able to be at home, I would be dressing her wounds and changing her diapers 24/7. This is no way for an adult to live out their last days on this earth and it is no way for a 'child' to have to care for their parents. My dad tried (way before it got to this stage) and he was not able to take care of her and she was still mobile and able to care for herself in some ways.
I see pictures on my FB page of mom in my 'memories' and in just two short years she has gone from being able to carry on a simple conversation, walk and feed herself to the last stages. I have told her many times that it is ok to go meet Billy and her mom and dad....we will be fine and I will be sure to take care of Nancy and Tim (my siblings). I don't know if she thinks of them as 'little' or knows that we are all adults. Hug your parents, spouse, children, other family members...tell them you love them. If you can make a donation to Alzheimers.org or the Gardnerfoundation.org, please do so to honor your family members and pray a cure is found for this awful disease.
Dad, I miss you every day and know that you are waiting on your Betty to arrive. Mom go in peace to the arms of your Billy.
We love you both.
The last few weeks have been hard......I followed a mom's blog whose child had cancer and he passed away about 10 days ago. Another blog I follow....Missing Jim(he had early onset Alzheimer's) and he recently passed away. Mom is just lingering.
A long time friend of my mom's who had lost contact with her found out about my dad's passing by googling his name on her new iPhone. She contacted the funeral home to find out how to get in touch with mom. I called her and gave her the news that mom could no longer communicate due to Alzheimer's and that mom no longer knew who we were. I told her I would let mom know that she called and that was praying for her. On my next visit, I told her I had spoken with Margaret Carter and she said to tell you hello and that she was praying for you. Mom's response was a long drawn out 'really' and she gave me a smile. I reminded her of the good times that she and Billy had with Margaret and Johnny many years ago....playing cards every Friday night when I was just a baby. I pray that there was a flicker of recognition in there.
I hate this disease....what you see on TV ads about taking this drug or that drug shows you the very early stages of Alzheimer's. The reality is this disease has no cure and those drugs only work for a short while to slow the progression down. Once it takes a real hold of the patient....there is no turning back and it gets worse. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is just a long downward spiral.
Mom's journey has been a long downward spiral. She has developed pressure sores because she is so thin and has no muscle mass. The hospice nurse said it would be hard to treat and because of where they are she can no longer sit up in her wheelchair. She is bedridden but is not exhibiting any signs of pain. Thank goodness for that. We had a frank talk with the director of her unit and she said that our mom was still here because she was still eating (although very little intake) and the love her family showed her. It has been about a week now and eating is getting more difficult laying on her side and getting the bed elevated enough to aid her swallowing. She had a few choking spells the end of last week and now her food is pureed. It does not look good but she eats what she likes....if she doesn't like it she makes a face just like a little kid would do. Last week I was feeding her something green (my first thought was it was green beans which she likes) but she made a face when I fed it to her. I fed her the other items on the plate and tried again and still got an ugly face. Turned out it was white rice with pesto and she did not like that one bit.
Deep down in my soul I feel like this is the beginning of the end and pray for a quick and easy passing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother dearly and will hate to see her pass away but this disease is cruel....on the patient and the family. It is so taxing to see your parent like this....it is a complete reversal of roles......I am now spoon feeding my mom 'baby food.' If she was able to be at home, I would be dressing her wounds and changing her diapers 24/7. This is no way for an adult to live out their last days on this earth and it is no way for a 'child' to have to care for their parents. My dad tried (way before it got to this stage) and he was not able to take care of her and she was still mobile and able to care for herself in some ways.
I see pictures on my FB page of mom in my 'memories' and in just two short years she has gone from being able to carry on a simple conversation, walk and feed herself to the last stages. I have told her many times that it is ok to go meet Billy and her mom and dad....we will be fine and I will be sure to take care of Nancy and Tim (my siblings). I don't know if she thinks of them as 'little' or knows that we are all adults. Hug your parents, spouse, children, other family members...tell them you love them. If you can make a donation to Alzheimers.org or the Gardnerfoundation.org, please do so to honor your family members and pray a cure is found for this awful disease.
Dad, I miss you every day and know that you are waiting on your Betty to arrive. Mom go in peace to the arms of your Billy.
We love you both.
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