The last time I blogged my dad was in hospice care.....he passed away a few days later on June 12th. My mom had no idea what was going with him and to this day is not aware of my dad's passing. Her beloved Billy of over 66 years is waiting for her in heaven.
The last few weeks have been hard......I followed a mom's blog whose child had cancer and he passed away about 10 days ago. Another blog I follow....Missing Jim(he had early onset Alzheimer's) and he recently passed away. Mom is just lingering.
A long time friend of my mom's who had lost contact with her found out about my dad's passing by googling his name on her new iPhone. She contacted the funeral home to find out how to get in touch with mom. I called her and gave her the news that mom could no longer communicate due to Alzheimer's and that mom no longer knew who we were. I told her I would let mom know that she called and that was praying for her. On my next visit, I told her I had spoken with Margaret Carter and she said to tell you hello and that she was praying for you. Mom's response was a long drawn out 'really' and she gave me a smile. I reminded her of the good times that she and Billy had with Margaret and Johnny many years ago....playing cards every Friday night when I was just a baby. I pray that there was a flicker of recognition in there.
I hate this disease....what you see on TV ads about taking this drug or that drug shows you the very early stages of Alzheimer's. The reality is this disease has no cure and those drugs only work for a short while to slow the progression down. Once it takes a real hold of the patient....there is no turning back and it gets worse. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is just a long downward spiral.
Mom's journey has been a long downward spiral. She has developed pressure sores because she is so thin and has no muscle mass. The hospice nurse said it would be hard to treat and because of where they are she can no longer sit up in her wheelchair. She is bedridden but is not exhibiting any signs of pain. Thank goodness for that. We had a frank talk with the director of her unit and she said that our mom was still here because she was still eating (although very little intake) and the love her family showed her. It has been about a week now and eating is getting more difficult laying on her side and getting the bed elevated enough to aid her swallowing. She had a few choking spells the end of last week and now her food is pureed. It does not look good but she eats what she likes....if she doesn't like it she makes a face just like a little kid would do. Last week I was feeding her something green (my first thought was it was green beans which she likes) but she made a face when I fed it to her. I fed her the other items on the plate and tried again and still got an ugly face. Turned out it was white rice with pesto and she did not like that one bit.
Deep down in my soul I feel like this is the beginning of the end and pray for a quick and easy passing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother dearly and will hate to see her pass away but this disease is cruel....on the patient and the family. It is so taxing to see your parent like this....it is a complete reversal of roles......I am now spoon feeding my mom 'baby food.' If she was able to be at home, I would be dressing her wounds and changing her diapers 24/7. This is no way for an adult to live out their last days on this earth and it is no way for a 'child' to have to care for their parents. My dad tried (way before it got to this stage) and he was not able to take care of her and she was still mobile and able to care for herself in some ways.
I see pictures on my FB page of mom in my 'memories' and in just two short years she has gone from being able to carry on a simple conversation, walk and feed herself to the last stages. I have told her many times that it is ok to go meet Billy and her mom and dad....we will be fine and I will be sure to take care of Nancy and Tim (my siblings). I don't know if she thinks of them as 'little' or knows that we are all adults. Hug your parents, spouse, children, other family members...tell them you love them. If you can make a donation to Alzheimers.org or the Gardnerfoundation.org, please do so to honor your family members and pray a cure is found for this awful disease.
Dad, I miss you every day and know that you are waiting on your Betty to arrive. Mom go in peace to the arms of your Billy.
We love you both.
